Current Affairs!

Jokes2Go daily best Humor for 11/08/2005

2005-11-08T08:21:00.000Z

Dear humor lover, welcome to today's edition of JOKES2GO.COM's daily humor email!

Your dose of humor for today appears below, fresh-picked from today's daily humor issues:

YOUR JoKe:
----------

AGE DRINK
17 beer
25 beer
35 vodka
48 double vodka
66 Maalox

YOUR StOrY:
-----------

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.

YOUR PoEm:
----------

Ultimate Haiku

The only problem
with Haiku is that you just
get started and then

- Author unknown

YOUR QuOtE:
-----------

Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.

- John Peers

Visit http://www.jokes2go.com for today's humor issues, thousands of jokes in our archives, more than 200 humor lists, random jokes and much more!

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To experience the best humor site on the web just visit: http://www.jokes2go.com

Meet people for a week at no cost.

2005-11-08T02:18:00.000Z

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Thank you and have a nice day.

"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."
Charles Caleb Colton "Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." Anais Nin "My friends are my estate." Emily Dickinson "A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." "A friend is one who walks in when others walk out" -Walter Winchell "A friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else." - Len Wein

Auction cars at 10% of value.

2005-11-08T01:36:00.000Z

You might be asking yourself how it is possible to buy a luxury car at such a ridiculously low price, and the answer lay in the hands of the Government and financial institutions that seize and auction thousands of cars a day and auction them off quickly.

Various federal, state, and local government and law enforcement agencies as well as Banks and lending institutions regularly seize thousands of cars and Suv's every day and auction them off. At that point, we make it possible for you to bid and buy these vehicles for absolutely ridiculously low prices.

http://www.practisecactus.com/auct/

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Thank you and have a nice day.

A guy walks into the local NAPA store and asks "can I get a wiper blade for a Yugo"?

The clerk replies "sounds like a good trade to me".

A Texan stops in a Minesota bar and between drinks brags on how big his place in Texas but no-one pays any attention to him. He redoubles his efforts to get someone to listen to his monolog about his place in the great state of Texas but to no avail ... In desperation he corners an old farmers and declares � My place in Texas is so big I could hop into my truck in the morning, drive like hell and barely get to the edge of my property before the sun went down. The Minnesotian sips his beer and says �Yep � I had a truck like that once.

As a man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the radio that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

Make Friends with people near you.

2005-11-08T01:00:00.000Z

This is something true. So please remember....

In life it's about who you know, not what you know.

friendsand(dot)com is the Internet networking tool that brings people together. So if you're looking to make friends, find that special person, or connect with potential business partners, you'll find what you're looking for, regardless of if it's right next-door or around the globe.

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Unlimmited email and chat with women for a week for no charge.

2005-11-07T19:03:00.000Z

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Cars at 10% of their value at local auctions.

2005-11-07T18:27:00.000Z

http://www.chewingexit.com/auct/

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Thank you and have a nice day.

A guy walks into the local NAPA store and asks "can I get a wiper blade for a Yugo"?

The clerk replies "sounds like a good trade to me".

As a man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the radio that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

Community message boards and chat rooms.

2005-11-07T17:41:00.000Z

This is something true. So please remember....

In life it's about who you know, not what you know.

It's fun and easy.

Chat Rooms.
Community forums.
Message boards.

http://www.cooleremailz.com/wayfu/

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Jokes2Go daily best Humor for 11/07/2005

2005-11-07T08:16:00.000Z

Dear humor lover, welcome to today's edition of JOKES2GO.COM's daily humor email!

Your dose of humor for today appears below, fresh-picked from today's daily humor issues:

YOUR JoKe:
----------

How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.

YOUR StOrY:
-----------

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is
prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may
only see their reflection in a mirror.

YOUR PoEm:
----------

There was a young man named Isaac Cox
Who took as his motto: "I suck cocks."
This frank declaration
Brought him such reputation
That he spent twenty years sucking cocks on the docks.

YOUR QuOtE:
-----------

A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the
premises without restricting the view

Visit http://www.jokes2go.com for today's humor issues, thousands of jokes in our archives, more than 200 humor lists, random jokes and much more!

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Jokes2Go daily best Humor for 11/06/2005

2005-11-06T08:03:00.000Z

Dear humor lover, welcome to today's edition of JOKES2GO.COM's daily humor email!

Your dose of humor for today appears below, fresh-picked from today's daily humor issues:

YOUR JoKe:
----------

David Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like to
show him a trick.
"I will", replies a guy in the audience, "but I'm going to need your wife
Claudia and a table."
"Ok", says David and the guy gets on stage.
He then bends Claudia over the table, pulls down her knickers and starts
fucking her from behind. David is now very pissed off and says,
"That isn't a trick!!!"
The guy just looks at David Copperfield and replies,
"I know, it's fucking magic."

YOUR StOrY:
-----------

In Minneapolis, USA, 28 year old Derrick L Richardson has been
charged with third-degree murder of his much loved cousin, Ken E
Richardson. According to local police, Derrick had suggested to
Ken that they play a game of Russian Roulette, but, having no
revolver, instead put a semi-automatic pistol to his cousin's
head. Apparently, he did not realize that one bullet always
loads into the firing chamber of a semi-automatic.

YOUR PoEm:
----------

i'm sick

i've got a virus
i'm sickety-sick
i feel like a used tissue
ickety-ick

my head is congested
mucous overload
if i blow my nose once more,
i will explode!

i'm whiny,i'm cranky ,
i'm stuck in my bed
my face is puke green
and my nose is bright red!

my eyes are all bloodshot
my nostrils are crusting;
this sickness has made
me look
Truly Disgusting

i cough and i sneeze
spreading germs everywhere
my room is a health hazard-
Visitors BEWARE!!

being sick is no fun
in fact,it's a pain
i'm told i'll get better soon!
untill then...i'll complain

by,
gabrielle

YOUR QuOtE:
-----------

Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts.

- Ruth Gordon

Visit http://www.jokes2go.com for today's humor issues, thousands of jokes in our archives, more than 200 humor lists, random jokes and much more!

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Some useful links:

Thousands of single ladies added daily.

2005-11-06T00:11:00.002Z

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Thank you and have a nice day.

Talk to people near you.

2005-11-06T00:11:00.001Z

This is something true. So please remember....

In life it's about who you know, not what you know.

It's fun and easy.

Chat Rooms.
Community forums.
Message boards.

http://www.wiretowires.com/wayfu/

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Cars siezed by the government and banks.

2005-11-06T00:11:00.000Z

http://www.waterwhen.com/auct/

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Thank you and have a nice day.

A guy walks into the local NAPA store and asks "can I get a wiper blade for a Yugo"?

The clerk replies "sounds like a good trade to me".

As a man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the radio that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

Meet people for a week at no cost.

2005-11-05T19:02:00.000Z

Come and enjoy the true.com network.

It's the perfect time for you to enjoy a 7-Day absolutely no charge run on true.com.

http://www.lostfrost.com/uub/

This newsletter is a commercial message sent in accordance with US legal guidlines. If you would like to not receive newsletters from Double-O-Traffic located at:

1643 Warwick Avenue, #302 / Warwick / RI / 02889

Please use this link to make that request:

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Thank you and have a nice day.

Jokes2Go daily best Humor for 11/05/2005

2005-11-05T08:04:00.000Z

Dear humor lover, welcome to today's edition of JOKES2GO.COM's daily humor email!

Your dose of humor for today appears below, fresh-picked from today's daily humor issues:

YOUR JoKe:
----------

Did you hear the latest theory about Monica Lewinsky?

It may never be proven but they think she may be the
youngest woman to have ever held the Presidency.

YOUR StOrY:
-----------

Do you ever wonder...

if you see a turtle on the side of the road with no
shell, is the turtle naked or homeless?

and since when you receive an item from ups and/or
fedex the item you receive is packed in foam, well...
when you send foam to someone or receive it what do they
pack it in???

and do flowers smell us???

Sent by Nichole

YOUR PoEm:
----------

A worried young man from Stamboul
Discovered red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
`Get out of my clinic!
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool.'

YOUR QuOtE:
-----------

"Men never do evil so cheerfully and so completely as
when they do so from religious conviction."

-- Blaise Pascal

Visit http://www.jokes2go.com for today's humor issues, thousands of jokes in our archives, more than 200 humor lists, random jokes and much more!

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Some useful links:

Very popular dating site.

2005-11-05T02:50:00.000Z

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do you need advance on your check?

2005-11-05T01:34:00.000Z

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A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"

"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.

"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."

"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake."

"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."

A millionaire throws a massive party for his fiftieth birthday. During the party, he's a bit bored and decides to stir things up a bit. He grabs the mic and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. He offers anything he owns to anyone who will swim across that pool.

The party continues for some time with no one accepting his offer, until suddenly there's a loud splash. All the party guests run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool a man is frantically swimming as hard as he can. Fins come out of the water and jaws are snapping and the guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining, but the guy manages to reach the end and he leaps out of the pool, soaked.

The millionaire grabs the mic and says, "I am a man of his word, anything of mine I will give--for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So, what will it be?" the millionaire asks.
The guy grabs the mic and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the person that pushed me in!"

Chat with new people.

2005-11-05T01:10:00.000Z

This is something true. So please remember....

In life it's about who you know, not what you know.

It's fun and easy.

Chat Rooms.
Community forums.
Message boards.

http://www.darkinnight.com/wayfu/

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Luxury cars at 10% of their value at local auctions.

2005-11-04T23:38:00.000Z

http://www.darkinnight.com/auct/

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Thank you and have a nice day.

A guy walks into the local NAPA store and asks "can I get a wiper blade for a Yugo"?

The clerk replies "sounds like a good trade to me".

As a man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the radio that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

Meet people for a week at no cost.

2005-11-04T22:57:00.000Z

Come and enjoy the true.com network.

It's the perfect time for you to enjoy a 7-Day absolutely no charge run on true.com.

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Thank you and have a nice day.

Community message boards and chat rooms.

2005-11-04T19:28:00.000Z

This is something true. So please remember....

In life it's about who you know, not what you know.

It's fun and easy.

Chat Rooms.
Community forums.
Message boards.

http://www.offencecup.com/wayfu/

This newsletter is a commercial message sent in accordance with US legal guidlines. If you would like to not receive newsletters from Double-O-Traffic located at:

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Thank you and have a nice day.

Auction cars at 10% of value.

2005-11-04T17:30:00.000Z

http://www.inboxgodds.com/auct/

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Thank you and have a nice day.

A guy walks into the local NAPA store and asks "can I get a wiper blade for a Yugo"?

The clerk replies "sounds like a good trade to me".

As a man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the radio that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

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2005-11-04T16:27:00.000Z

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2005-11-04T13:12:00.000Z

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Jokes2Go daily best Humor for 11/04/2005

2005-11-04T08:13:00.000Z

Dear humor lover, welcome to today's edition of JOKES2GO.COM's daily humor email!

Your dose of humor for today appears below, fresh-picked from today's daily humor issues:

YOUR JoKe:
----------

Q. What's an Australian kiss?
A. The same thing as a French kiss, only down under!

YOUR StOrY:
-----------

Toward the end of their senior year in high school, students were required
to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim,
Rescue Anne, to practice.

Rescue Anne was legless to allow for storage in a carrying case.

The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of the
students gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right?" He then put
his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing.

Suddenly, the student turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She says
she can't feel her legs!"

YOUR PoEm:
----------

A certain young man of St. Paul

Consistently practiced withdrawal.
This quaint predilection
Created such friction,

He soon had no foreskin at all.

YOUR QuOtE:
-----------

"Love is the answer - but while you're waiting
for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions."

Woody Allen.

Visit http://www.jokes2go.com for today's humor issues, thousands of jokes in our archives, more than 200 humor lists, random jokes and much more!

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2005-11-03T23:42:00.000Z

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Don't You Hate...

.. being the only one caught speeding when you were just going as fast as everyone else.

.. getting into the "Exact Change Only" lane and ending up behind a guy who finds he hasn't got the exact change.

.. when something happens the day after you let your comprehensive insurance expire.

.. the nauseating smell of gasoline that wafts forward to tell you that they've over-filled your tank again.

.. "One Way" and "No Turn" signs that take you miles out of your way. ... bumpers that are higher than yours.

.. repair shops that always have to order the part you desperately need. ... finally getting into that moving lane only to find that it abruptly stops ... and your old one moves from then on.

.. a convertible top that invariably fails to operate whenever there's a sudden cloudburst.

.. lending your car to someone ... and after it's returned, the engine makes a strange sound you've never heard before.

.. car radios that fade out at critical moments.

.. finding a vacant space where you parked your car.

The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."

"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.

The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.

"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."

"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."

Chat with new people.

2005-11-03T21:50:00.000Z

This is something true. So please remember....

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2005-11-03T19:37:00.000Z

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2005-11-03T16:34:00.000Z

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A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"

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2005-11-03T15:44:00.000Z

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Find auctions for siezed cars.

2005-11-03T15:24:00.000Z

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A guy walks into the local NAPA store and asks "can I get a wiper blade for a Yugo"?

The clerk replies "sounds like a good trade to me".

As a man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the radio that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

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2005-11-03T14:29:00.000Z

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2005-11-03T14:21:00.000Z

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"I've always felt that blues, rock 'n' roll and country are just about a beat apart."-Waylon Jennings (1937-2002)

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." -Decca Recording Company rejecting the Beatles, 1962

"It's much too late to do anything about rock & roll now ..." - Jerry Garcia / Grateful Dead

"It occurred to me by intuition, and music was the driving force behind that intuition. My discovery was the result of musical perception." (When asked about his theory of relativity) - Albert Einstein

"Music is your own experience, your own thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn. They teach you there's a boundary line to music. But, man, there's no boundary line to art." - Charlie "YardBird" Parker

"There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another." -Frank Zappa

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2005-11-03T12:40:00.000Z

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Jokes2Go daily best Humor for 11/03/2005

2005-11-03T08:20:00.000Z

Dear humor lover, welcome to today's edition of JOKES2GO.COM's daily humor email!

Your dose of humor for today appears below, fresh-picked from today's daily humor issues:

YOUR JoKe:
----------

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A
pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this
stuff?"
"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the
lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics
save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.

YOUR StOrY:
-----------

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt
down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and
the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you
that pisses me off.

by Stephen King

YOUR PoEm:
----------

The last time I dined with the King
He did quite a curious thing:
He sat on a stool
And took out his tool,
And said, "If I play, will you sing?"

YOUR QuOtE:
-----------

Life is not all lovely thorns and singing vultures, you know.

- Morticia, The Addams Family

Visit http://www.jokes2go.com for today's humor issues, thousands of jokes in our archives, more than 200 humor lists, random jokes and much more!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
- End of today's humor picks -
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Some useful links:

Cars siezed by the government and banks.

2005-11-02T23:42:00.000Z

http://www.tieisatie.com/auct/

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Thank you and have a nice day.

A guy walks into the local NAPA store and asks "can I get a wiper blade for a Yugo"?

The clerk replies "sounds like a good trade to me".

As a man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the radio that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

Meet people for seven days at no cost to you.

2005-11-02T23:40:00.000Z

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Thank you and have a nice day.

Do you like to chat with new people?

2005-11-02T21:56:00.000Z

This is something true. So please remember....

In life it's about who you know, not what you know.

It's fun and easy.

Chat Rooms.
Community forums.
Message boards.

http://www.noonjobs.com/wayfu/

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Riot at local pub

2005-11-02T21:11:00.000Z

riot got done at pub, oh no, we must heklp prevent these things from being done

Thankyou,
Tthe local news

Wow look at this

2005-11-02T20:59:00.000Z

the amazing is thing ever in the world !!!

www.hydroponic-gardening.net !!!

Post 1

2005-11-02T20:52:00.000Z

You might be asking yourself how it is possible to buy a luxury car at
such a ridiculously low price, and the answer lay in the hands of the
Government and financial institutions that seize and auction thousands
of cars a day and auction them off quickly.

Various federal, state, and local government and law enforcement
agencies as well as Banks and lending institutions regularly seize
thousands of cars and Suv's every day and auction them off. At that
point, we make it possible for you to bid and buy these vehicles for
absolutely ridiculously low prices.

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Thank you and have a nice day.

A guy walks into the local NAPA store and asks "can I get a wiper
blade for a Yugo"?

The clerk replies "sounds like a good trade to me".

A Texan stops in a Minesota bar and between drinks brags on how big
his place in Texas but no-one pays any attention to him. He redoubles
his efforts to get someone to listen to his monolog about his place in
the great state of Texas but to no avail ... In desperation he corners
an old farmers and declares " My place in Texas is so big I could hop
into my truck in the morning, drive like hell and barely get to the
edge of my property before the sun went down. The Minnesotian sips his
beer and says "Yep … I had a truck like that once.

As a man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I
just heard on the radio that there's a car going the wrong way on
Interstate 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"